Reclaim Our Power
I have always been curious about my genitals, but I never dared to touch myself because it wasn’t "allowed." So obedient, yet a little uncertain and afraid, I refrained.
I was around 20 years old the first time I had sex. It was with a guy I had met at a dance (swing dance)—the first time someone saw me and walked over just to be with me. We went home together, and afterward, I was in so much pain because he forced himself in. I thought that was how it was supposed to feel. I had little to no desire for sex and didn’t orgasm. So, it was a failure.
It also turned out that he only liked me when it suited him—I could have been a dog barking, for all he cared. This is an example of a time when I was disconnected from my body and believed I just had to do whatever the man said because that was the only "right" and expected thing to do.
Now I know that this would be considered assault. And it is clearly a result of my lack of knowledge about my vulva (clitoris, and other parts of my abdomen). I am still on a learning journey in that regard. But this shows just how important it is to know your own body, your genitals, and your feelings before taking action.
Clitoris
💥 Did you know? The clitoris isn’t just a tiny nub—it extends deep inside the body and plays a huge role in pleasure!
🔍 The visible part is just the “tip of the iceberg.” The full structure has internal legs (crura) and bulbs that surround the vaginal opening.
💡 It exists solely for pleasure! How amazing is that?
This is something we must talk to our children about so that they feel safe in their own bodies when they are ready for sex. Isn’t it better that they have a connection with their vulva or penis before they engage in sex? The truth is that women can use their vulva to find the right partner—it clearly signals when something is wrong and becomes aroused when it is right.
Reclaiming our power is so important. And the more of us who do it, the more we normalize the word: VULVA!
For me, it took many years before I truly connected with my vulva. It’s only in the last two years that I have felt safe in my body and understood what it wants. I have had many different experiences, both good and bad, sexually, but today, I carry these experiences with me and choose to be open about them.
Is it difficult for you to be open about your genitals, and sex, and to communicate your needs during intercourse?
The first time you have sex—whether it’s with a new partner or your very first time—can be both exciting and vulnerable. Here are some important things to consider for both men and women:
1. Consent and Comfort
Both must truly want it: It’s essential that both partners feel ready and genuinely desire it. No one should feel pressured.
Clear consent: Checking in with each other through eye contact, touch, or words ensures that both feel comfortable.
2. Communication is Key
Talk about expectations and boundaries beforehand. What feels okay? What doesn’t?
Be open about any nervousness or uncertainty—it’s completely normal!
If something feels uncomfortable, it’s important to be able to say so without fear.
3. Respect and Safety
No one should feel pressured into something they are not ready for.
Take things slow and ensure that both feel safe.
Remember, sex is about mutual pleasure—not just one partner’s satisfaction.
4. Use Protection
Condoms protect against both sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies.
Even if other birth control methods are used, it’s still wise to protect against infections.
5. Don’t Expect Perfection
The first time can be awkward, and that’s completely normal.
The most important thing is to be present and listen to each other.
Why Are Respect and Communication So Important?
Physical safety: No one should experience pain or discomfort because they are afraid to speak up.
Emotional safety: Respect and communication help both partners feel valued and secure.
A better experience: Understanding each other’s needs and boundaries makes the experience more fulfilling for both.
Respect and communication create a healthy and safe sexual experience—and lay the foundation for good intimate relationships in the future. 💛
Alot of love,
Gunhild
